Aku

Takkan selamanya aku sendiri

Suatu hari nanti

Disaat kemunafikan telah luntur

Menghilang dari wajahku 

Saat aku melangkah pergi entah kemana

Dan ternyata yang kutemukan adalah dirimu

Takkan selamanya aku kesepian

Sang angin akan setia menungguku

Bulan dan Matahari tak lelah menantiku

Ombak tak hentinya berderu

Aku tahu aku tak pernah sendiri

Takkan selamanya dunia terdiam

Sunyi, senyap

Menyembunyikan sejuta kebohongan

Dibalik bisikan angin malam

Ditiap desiran pasir 

Aku yakin dunia tak pernah berhenti berteriak

Takkan selamanya aku bersedih 

Dunia akan selalu mendorongku

Mencoba untuk menjatuhkanku

Atau mungkin mencoba membunuhku

Namun yang kuyakini

Dan yang selalu kuingat

Diriku pun takkan berhenti untuk bangkit 

Sekat Itu Masih Nyata

Disaat semua pergi, seperti biasa, aku masih setia memijakkan kaki di sekolahku ini. Dua tahun perjuangan hampir mencapai puncaknya. Rasanya baru sebulan yang lalu aku menjalani hari-hari dengan orang-orang asing ini. Namun tak kusangka dalam waktu dekat ini kita semua akan berpisah. Kita yang telah menjadi teman. Kita yang telah menjadi sahabat. Yang telah berbagi hembusan nafas dan berkeringat bersama, kini akhirnya kita dihadapkan pada pesta pora yang telah kita persiapkan selama tiga tahun ini.

Mungkin itu alasanku enggan untuk terburu-buru pulang hari ini. Aku masih ingin merasakan hembusan angin berbisik di telingaku. Menyaksikan ujung cemara yang bergoyang. Atau sekadar merasakan teriknya matahari. Aku, yang masih terbalut oleh seragam sekolah, ditemani oleh salah satu sahabatku sejak kelas delapan. Agatha namanya. Awalnya kami hanya terdiam. Menyaksikan anak-anak Adam menendang-nendang si bundar. Hingga akhirnya Agatha melontarkan satu pertanyaan padaku. "Kenapa ya Pris, orang harus ngebeda-bedain agama?". Pertanyaan ini yang membuatku menyelami pemikiranku yang terdalam. Agatha ada seorang Kristen. Sedangkan mayoritas murid disekolahku adalah Islam. Aku tak pernah memaksa orang untuk berpindah keyakinan. Toh keyakinan datangnya dari tiap-tiap manusia itu sendiri. Namun apa yang menyebabkan kita, para manusia, memperkelahikan hak setiap orang? Aku bukan seorang Atheist. Tetapi melihat kejadian ini, rasanya dunia terlalu kejam dalam urusan agama. Kita tak dapat menyepelekan agama. Namun bukan berarti kita harus melihat segalanya dari sudut pandang agama. Seperti misalnya, kita lebih membela orang yang berkeyakinan sama dengan kita padahal orang ini bersalah? Bukankah itu berarti dosa untuk diri kita sendiri? Seingatku, Tuhan tak pernah menyuruh hambanya memerangi sesamanya. Lalu apa yang selama ini kita lakukan?

Pertanyaan Agatha sulit kujawab, karena aku sendiri memiliki keyakinan yang berbeda dengannya. Aku tak mampu menjabarkan alasan setiap orang mempetak-petakan segala sesuatu berdasarkan agama. Jika seperti itu, mungkin aku dan Agatha tak pernah merajut tali persahabatan kita. Mungkin aku akan memusuhi Agatha, begitu juga dengan dia. Tetapi bayangkan, jika kita tidak bersama, apa yang dapat kita lakukan sendiri?

Seangka Dua Angka

Sudah terlalu larut untuk melakukan apapun. Matahari pun sedang berdansa dengan bunga tidurnya. Aku masih muncul di permukaan kehidupan, masih belum lelah bermain dengan aksara. Jari-jemari ini masih luwes  menari-nari diatas papan jari. Pikiranku masih berkecamuk tak mau diajak beristirahat untuk hitungan jam saja. Sedang tubuh ini lelah, setelah seharian diombang-ambing dalam kemunafikan dunia. Temanku, sang angin, sudah pergi entah kemana. Mungkin terlelap karena seharian penuh menemani kemanapun langkahku pergi. Aku tak tahu pasti apa yang membuatku terbangun disaat aku seharusnya tertidur. Mungkin, memimpikanmu membuatku tersentak. Tanganku menggapai-gapai udara. Apa yang kulakukan? Menangkap mimpi? Walau kutahu mimpi hanyalah partikel yang memenuhi pikiran tanpa sedikitpun dapat kita....sentuh. Sebuah gema memori dan gumam doaku setiap malam. Yang tak henti-hentinya meminta Sang Kuasa hadiah untuk dunia. Perdamaian. Pikiranku berkecamuk mengingat mimpiku yang satu ini belum menemui realita. Selama ini aku hanya mengandalkan hembusan nafasku ditiap kue yang menandakan umurku berkurang ini.

Lalu pemikiran tentang bertambah usia ini menghantui pikiranku. Apa yang membuat orang merayakan 1 tahun berkurangnya umur mereka? Apa perlu kita memberitahukan dunia bahwa kita masih disini, masih terhanyut oleh arus rutinitas dan hal klasik yang tak pernah diubah sejak diri ini pun belum menggenggam nyawa. Apalah arti sebuah atau dua buah angka tanpa kita melakukan perubahan untuk dunia? Kita, tak lama, akan tenggelam ditelan oleh prestasi manusia lain yang ingin tetap mengapung di belantara dunia. Aku semakin tidak memahami dunia dan manusia yang tinggal di dalamnya. Termasuk diriku sendiri.

Sekapur Sirih

Halo

Diri ini sedang tenggelam dalam pemikiran saat mengintrospeksi diri. Setelah seharian diaduk di panggung sandiwara dunia, akhirnya 'lampu sorot' telah terbenam kedalam lubuk hati sang Ibu Pertiwi, sebagai akhir dari peran kemunafikanku pada dunia hari ini. Malam ini, aku menantang seseorang yang kukenal amat dekat. Terlalu dekat. Ia melekat di tubuhku ini,

"Gurui dirimu. Nilai dirimu."

Namun, ia membisu. Jelas, karena aku hanya berbicara pada bayanganku sendiri. Itulah tantangannya. Tantangan rumit yang entah dapat kulakukan atau tidak. Disaat mulut ini menggurui orang lain, dengan mudahnya ia melantunkan sepatah kata pedas, kadang munafik, hanya untuk mengaduk perasaannya. Tanpa berkaca pada pribadi sendiri terlebih dahulu. Apa yang kita perebutkan? Apa yang kita tuju? Harta? Atau suatu tempat di lantai kasta? Kadang, aku sendiri tak mengerti. Mengapa aku hanya terdiam dan mengalir mengikuti arus dunia, alih-alih bendiri dengan kakiku sendiri. Manusia yang memberikan hela nafasnya untuk....untuk apa? Cita-cita? Untuk apa aku mengejar cita-cita orang tuaku alih-alih mengerjar mimpiku sendiri? Lihat? Aku hanya mengikuti kemana ombak membawaku. Entah hingga kaki ini mati rasa dan mata ini buta, aku mengikuti apa yang seharusnya dilakukan. Aku belum memiliki sepetak tanah untuk dipijak. Entah apa aku terlalu muda atau kita memang tidak mampu menjadi pionir.

Bayangan itu masih menatapku, menantang. Menunggu sebuah jawaban yang memang seharusnya dijawab dengan hati, bukan fikiran yang terus mengada-ada cerita kepada dunia, bahkan diri sendiri. Karena jawabanku akan sia-sia jika pada akhirnya aku hanya membual untuk meyakinkan diri sendiri bahwa aku sempurna. Akhirnya, sang bayangan menyerah dan memilih untuk membisu, menunggu sang angin datang dan menerima tantangan terbesar dalam hidupnya.

Jika sang angin mampu. Tanpa setetes pun kemunafikan.

A Special Guest

                  05:45 PM. I was sitting in the edges of the pool, my favourite place all the time. Especially, when i want to witness the Almightly's magnum opus. Either the azure sky or the dusk crimson. At the moment, the sun illuminated my eyes. The clouds were fermented in a violet dusk. The birds were flying back to their lair. Their chirps were like the mother nature's soundtrack. I immersed my feet into the water. Closed my eyes for awhile. And enjoy the memories was flowing in my mind. It wasn't a good day. Life is full of dramas. And i've been through one of it today. And i, honestly, tired of dramas and use my facade to fool the world. Maybe this is the reason why i don't fond of watch the soaps in the TV. I feel bored, sometimes, being exist in one of the world's routinity. "You know, one loves the sunset, when one is so sad.". At first, i thought it was my mind making another inner struggle with my mind. But i realized that i've heard the sentence before. I opened my eyes. And my guess was correct. A boy was sitting next to me. His age was hard to tell. Once he looked like a 10 year-old boy, but in a blink, he turned into a teenage boy around 18. He was wearing a blue costume, like a royal uniform. His hair turns gold in the blows of the sun. I don't feel shock at all. I heard about him, once. "What makes you come to my dwelling, Little Prince?" i asked him, carefully. He didn't answer that question immediately. He stole a glance at the water. Looked at the reflection of the picturesque of the sunset. "I....i miss this place. I'm looking for a companion." . He budge a step and left me alone. "Hey wait! You can't just leave me alone here? Where are you going?". He stopped his step, but he didn't say anything. He let his eyes talked through my mind. "Why do you scream when i left you alone? In my planet, i'm all alone. And there's no reason to be lonely. Because you're all alone." He handed me his hand, and there was nothing i could do but to accept it.

*          *          *

                         Little Prince was exactly the same with the story i used to hear. He is as fragile as the glass yet strong with his thoughts, exceed his age. I refuse to ask too many question for him, even if there were millions of questions that thirst of the answers. But in the count of three hours, when the stars were getting higher, he started to murmured about his lonely soul. "Now, my love has gone. I never knew a spoiled little flower like her could leave me alone. She even couldn't even maintain herself!". I didn't answer every single thing that comes out from his mouth, except if it was nessesarry. "I know exactly how do you feel right now. I once lost my guardian angel, a long time ago. I was scared and sad. But i realized that she'll always beside me. Amongs the stars over there." i pointed at the night sky full of stars. Little Prince cried on my shoulder. "Where am i? I thought i'm going to land in the place where i met the guy who gave me this, my only pal.". He groped around his pocket and showed me a picture of a box with three holes on it.

"But, he's sleeping now. Too bad you couldn't see him eat the baobab sprouts, or playing with my flower....". His face turned sad, but in no longer time, he continued, "From that moment i lost my rose, i just wish that every seeds that awaken from the heart of the earth's darkness is a sprig of a rose-bush. But, i doesn't matter what's grow from the heart of the earth's darkness, nothing could replace my love ones no more." So on, the tears were falling even heavier than before. And from that moment, i never knew a boy like him could grasp the real definition of, what we call, love.

*          *          *

              I asked him to come inside. It was already late and i'll be killed in 10 minutes if my foster parents saw me talking with a boy with a costume. "Are you hungry?". I took a box of cereal in the kitchen shelf and a bottle of milk inside the fridge when we arrived in the kitchen. "How could you think about your own stomach when someone is starving out there? What if my flower is starving out there? I didn't water her while i'm gone." . I stopped what i've done. This boy looked miserable. "Maybe all you need is a cup of chamomile tea and a perfect dream." I accompanied him to my bedroom. There, he shown his interest to my cellphone on the table. "What is this thing?" I took a sit on my bed. "It's a phone. A device that'll alowed you to talk and send messages to another person." Little Prince shown his excitement and asked, "So, can i communicate with my flower with this thing called cell phone?". I never want to make him dissapointed, but before i say it, he already knew the answer. He walked faintly into my other bed and covered his body with the blanket. I sighed. "Look, i know you miss your one and only flower. But, she's living in the Motherland now. You don't have to be worry about her safety or if she felt famine. In fact, she want to see you.....happy.". I put all of my inner strength in that sentence. I never want to see the Little Prince shed his tears. "I just wish i could tell her how much i love her. But i was too young to know how to love her." In his last words, he closed his eyes and fell asleep under the stars. Maybe this world is too cruel to be his home. He belongs to the fairytale. He belongs to the bedtime stories my guardian angel used to tell. Reality is too.....harsh. A prince like him is too fragile for this. In no longer time, my eyes were getting heavier and heavier. In the end, it wasn't the Little Prince who meets the dreamland. It was me.

*          *          *

              The sun rays awaken me. Thank God, the next day was a time off. I woke up at 07:53 AM. It was quite impressive because i'm not an early bird. I looked at the other bed of my room, where Little Prince was laying........was lie! He was gone! Where were he?! I ran downstair to ask my housemaid about his dissapearance. "Did you see someone was going out from the house?! He's a boy, about 150 tall and....and....." i talked like someone was going to light up a dynamite. A dynamite that enough to blow a house if i couldn't find the Little Prince. "What are you talking about, Pris? We didn't have any guest on this week. Wake up, the sun has shining!". The housemaid walked through me and giggled like i was joking or something. "But he was....." I knew i couldn't say he was real. He coould be just a figment of my imagination. He could be another deceit that my mind just made. But if he was real, why he left me? Why he chose me, from 7 billions people in the world, to be his companion for a night? I felt really sad. He was gone without even saying goodbye. Did he finally found the one that will become his companion? Maybe he left me because he didn't like me. Perhaps, i am a little like grown-ups. I have had to grow old. Maybe he went home. To a secret place, the land of tears. Left me, with a deep sad feeling.

I've just lost my flower

*          *          *

Dedicated to  Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. Because of him, i could be acquainted with the most prudent friend in the world, Le Petit Prince.

The Little Prince (French: Le Petit Prince; French pronunciation: ​[lə.pə.ti'pʁɛ̃s]), first published in 1943, is a novella and the most famous work of the French aristocrat, writer, poet and pioneering aviator Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900–1944).

The novella is both the most read and most translated book in the French language, and was voted the best book of the 20th century in France. Translated into more than 250 languages and dialects (including braille), selling over a million copies per year with sales totalling more than 140 million copies worldwide, it has become one of the best-selling books ever published.

Saint-Exupéry, a laureate of several of France's highest literary awards and a reserve military pilot at the start of the Second World War, wrote and illustrated the manuscript while exiled in the United States after the Fall of France. He had travelled there on a personal mission to persuade its government to quickly enter the war against Nazi Germany. In the midst of personal upheavals and failing health he produced almost half of the writings he would be remembered for, including a tender tale of loneliness, friendship, love and loss, in the form of a young prince fallen to Earth.

An earlier memoir by the author recounted his aviation experiences in the Sahara desert and he is thought to have drawn on those same experiences for use as plot elements in The Little Prince. Since first being published the novella has been adapted to various media over the decades, including audio recordings, stage, screen, ballet, and operatic works. (source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Little_Prince)

RectoVerso

Cinta tak berucap
Hanya dapat dirasakan
Bahkan tak seorangpun mengerti
Kenangan telah memilih tempatnya
Entah itu di tiap malam-malam kelam
Atau di suatu keramaian
Dimanapun tempatnya
Kita telah merajut kisah
Yang entah bagaimana
Telah merubahku sejak saat itu
Sesalku muncul
Saat aku hanya terdiam membisu
Tanpa mengucap cinta
Namun apa sebenarnya cinta?
Apakah itu hanya sebuah ucapan palsu
Yang keluar dari mulut-mulut munafik
Atau cinta adalah kerapuhan
Di jiwa setiap kehidupan
Semua ini telah menjadi saksi bisu
Namun kita tetap meyakini
Bahwa sesuatu memiliki arti
Lebih baik cinta ini tak berucap
Atau ia akan lenyap
Tetapi saat aku mengaduk ingatanku, kusadari
Kau tak pernah berucap kau mencintaiku