i never get why vulnerability is and always be your worst enemy. You despise it when people see you weep. You would blame the alcohol or quickly wipe out your tears before anyone sees. sometimes i wonder, as someone who cries my heart out, what does it feel like to be able to bottled up everything all at once. that was the moment i knew how fragile you are. you are fragile person with a smile like the crescent of the moon, yet you always deny it. maybe it is time for you to cut open your spleens and let everything inside it pour. the world we are living is no mortal. you said we only live and die once, so why not dive headfirst into your tears and let yourself submerged in those feelings you keep hiding behind the cold bars inside your mind?
feelings are not as easy to comprehend as the theories you read on books. it looks like an infinite spectrum of colors. even our mundane eyes fail to see some particular colors. but it would not be that eerie and foreign if you try to acknowledge it and be friends with them. even if you do not acknowledge them, they will still manage to slip behind your anger or your behaviours. it is complex, but taking baby steps is better than being quiescent and pretend that everything is okay. nothing is okay, and i know you are aware of that.
writing these down slightly makes me feel like i am talking to you. maybe i should gather some guts to say it out loud right when your eyes meet mine and you can hear me crystal clear. you see, i myself have my own struggles with facing my own truths and being vulnerable in front of someone who has the power to weakens me. but fear will always be there unless you accept them and face them like we should.
i hope you will never see this. but if you do, please pretend that you never did.
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