Sambat di Ujung Malam

Tak ada yang patut disalahkan. Siapapun dan apapun yang berada di hadapan jari telunjukmu juga menyimpan raut yang sama denganmu. Jika ingin menyalahkan, mungkin sudah sepantasnya menghardik mereka yang tak sampai hati menaruh kakinya dalam tapak orang lain. Tetapi tak perlu menggubris orang-orang itu. Pada akhirnya mereka akan merintih dalam nelangsa yang mereka cipta sendiri.

Nampaknya, tak ada lagi yang sanggup menangis dan terisak. Hanya tersisa jengah dan gusar yang tak henti-hentinya bermain di dalam kepalamu. Doa pun terkesan percuma. Kematian pun tidak begitu terasa sengsara lagi. Mungkin dunia sudah menjadi gila. Namun kita yang hidup di dalamnya memang utamanya tidak pernah benar-benar waras. 

Halfway Free

My words won't come clean

If I keep on letting you win

As a lionheart, as the sun

As the wonders that collide into one

So my words will go dirty

Or vicious, you tell me

My heart is mangled, it bleeds

But at last it could declare what it pleads

Eventide

It's three in the morning and 'Liability' by Lorde is echoing in my room on perpetual loop. I never felt so understood as a lover, a woman, and a human with any other songs before. It's true; I yearn to disappear into the sun, along with these elusive feelings inside my chest. It's been tailing me for awhile now, makes breathing feels like a mare. My wounds weep. Yet my gut feeling convinced that tomorrow might be the someday I've been waiting for. But look who's fooling herself everyday.

The medicine will put me to sleep faster than the speed of sound. The vagaries of my thoughts will unravels and falls into disarray. It will make them stop bickering with each other. Instead, they will walk side by side like an old enemy turning into a friend. It will eventually put me at ease, forcing me to make peace with my inner turmoil, even put me in the throne as their ruler. At least for tonight.